My heart is as heavy as my head tonight. I am sure it is equally hard but the weight is what bothers me the most. There is no explanation for the condition I am in – not tonight.
There are times when my heart becomes unbearable – too precious. There are times when I can’t even stand to listen to the broken-hearted balladry that pours out of my heart when I smell something that reminds me of something else – when I hear a snatch of a melody from a song my father used to sing.
Some times my soul will trip over its own feet as it steps up onto the curb by Laundromat. Maybe my soul skins its knee. Maybe there are some teeny, gray, dirty rocks embedded in my soul’s hand. My heart watches – helpless. My heart begins to cry. Each tear a precious vessel absorbed quickly back into the fiber that is my heart. Each tear means more weight, but my heart will not betray itself.
My soul brushes itself off and goes to put another quarter in the dryer. There is nothing as sad as missing the mango man with the white cart, but my heart can’t reconcile being helpless. My soul is practical even when my heart is heavy and sad.
Some days my spirit soars over the neighborhood. It careens off of the odd turrets and architectural antiquities decorating the façades of the crumbling building. It breezes through the trees insinuating itself in between the feathers of the soft-boned birds living there.
When my spirit gets caught on a stray branch – maybe a big antenna – my heart just looks up and watches – still helpless. The sadness of the spectacle overwhelms my heart even as my spirit struggles to free itself from whatever has captured it. My spirit is intrepid even when my heart is heavy and sad.
My mind has never betrayed me. My mind has never stopped long enough to get a good look at what my heart was doing. My mind was last seen heading south on a cool slick highway with a bottle of dreams and a sack of promise slung over its shoulder. My heart wiped its eyes and waved good-bye, but my mind never noticed.
My heart is as heavy as my old work boots tonight. They hold about the same value to me right now. The boots sit in one corner of the room where they collect dust. My heart sits in another corner waiting to be told what to do.